I was... I sill am.... I will be....

Yes, I was in love and miss him. I still am now (at the moment of writing it). And I guess I will always be missing him, loving him in a way....

I'm gonna admit that it has been really hard for me these days.

Gw merasa ini semua mempengaruhi semua aspek kehidupan gw. Dimulai dari pola makan gw yang super duper berantakan, jadi addicted to chocolate, pekerjaan yang juga mulai messy, ditambah lagi headache for three straight days (probably four).

Jika itu masih belum cukup buat menggambarkan kondisi gw, gw rasa gw bisa menuliskan seribu satu alasan kenapa gw tidak menjadi lebih baik.

But, what for?

He is not here anyway. I thank GOD for that I have this blog to say it out loud (since it is impossible for me to say it to him, and my friends only say..."yang sabar" or "lu pasti bisa")

I am damn tired hearing those words. I hope I have other "wisdom" words. And I am damn tired for crying and can not do anything anymore. I DO NEED HIM!
I wish he was here with me. Holding me. Hugging me. And hearing him saying he loves me.
I miss the nites when I can not sleep, and I know he is still there for me.
I miss those stupid messages that he sent me.
I miss telling him how much I love him.
Yes, I miss it very much.

Tanggal 22 kemarin, dia sempet ke tempat gw, for changing my light-bulb.
Lampu kamar gw mati, and I think I am too tall to reach the bulb even when I am standing on the desk. I have asked Lius to check it, but he said he was too afraid.
I have no choice since it was Idul Fitri holiday, and Pak Roto and famz was leaving Jakarta.
I sent him a message, telling him about the condition and Lius refused to do it for me, and I have to work and so on.
He called me immediately. He said he was still in Anyer with his sister's family. He would go to my place soon after he arrived at Jakarta. He also message me after wards, told me to buy a new light-bulb. I replied him, saying that he didn't have to be in hurry.
Yes, he came to my place that nite. We chat a little bit before he came.
He changed the light-bulb for me. He also lift up the water galon for me. He was sitting there, in front of my laptop. I was sitting on the bed.
I still couldn't remember the last time he was there. He used to laying on the bed. Sometimes with me on his shoulder, and sometimes he just fell asleep, and I left him doing some other things.

I tried to remember when the last time he was at my room. I tried to remember his smell on my pillows. But I guess I smelt it too often that it has gone already.

At that day, I really wanted to hug him. Only hugging him. Yes, it was enough. He doesn't have to say he loves me or kiss me. He doesn't have to promise me anything. I just need his hugs.
And I still am now....